Going postal

Christmas time is here,
Happiness and cheer,
Fun for all that children call
their favorite time of year.

How do I know?

Is it the snowflakes in the air? The carols everywhere? The olden times and ancient rhymes, and love and dreams to share?

Nope.

Well then, is it the Trans Siberian Orchestra's version of Carol of the Bells that makes Target feel less like peace on Earth and goodwill toward men, and more like the panic associated with impending nuclear holocaust? Or maybe the presence of TMX Elmo Extreme-to-the-Max-Times-Infinity with extra batteries included? Or is it the creepy Christmas decorations that have already invaded the neighbors front lawn?

Uh-uh.

It's catalogs. It's lots and lots of catalogs.

Now don't get me wrong. Christmas is good times. LOVE giving. Big fan of Christ. But, when I open my snail mail box, I ain't finding the good Lord inside. It's more like a colorful cornucopia of card stock in there. I'm talkin' Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn, LL Bean, IKEA, Delias, Urban Outfitters, Fossil, Godiva, Sephora, Sundance, and Archie McFee.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Who the poo is Archie McFee? Wouldn't you like to know...

It's not till the season of shopping and returning that you realize how many catalogs you are "subscribed" to. I say "subscribed" because I know I never asked for these catalogs. Your catalog "subscription" is launched whenever you place an order.

And what are the majority of them good for, besides kindling?

Hello: lavatory literature.

Now let's be honest. Some of them you just like to have lingering in the loo. Not because you are going to order anything from them, but because you want the other people who use your potty to know that you are the type of person who would order something from that catalog.

It's an identity thing.

And it's a waste of paper. So when the mailman cometh, as you make the trip from your mailbox to your front door, open up your cell phone, call their customer service representative and have them take you off of their mailing list. Better yet, have them put you on their "suppression" list if you can. That way, when you place another order with that company, they won't just automatically throw you on their mailing list again.

They'll at least think about it for a minute before they throw you on their mailing list again.

Or, if you would like to be removed from a bunch-o-lists at once, check out the DMAchoice website. It's too legit to quit and will cut your mail significantly.

And if you are wondering what to get me for Christmas, here's a hint.