Just Say "No"

stuff
Noun

1. any collection of unnamed things
2. substance or material
3. a disease common to the packimus ratimus, characterized by a colossal collection of unnamed things made of substance or material

Have you ever noticed that certain people have a knack for knickknacks? They seem to naturally attract "stuff." As the north end attracts the south end of a magnet, as a proton attracts an electron, or as an Asheville hippie attracts a Volkswagen bus, a Nalgene water bottle, and a banjo.

Well, never fear! After a lifetime of research, I have discovered the cause of this dreaded disease.

It's called "Yes."

The reason that so many packamus ratimi have such an abundance of stuff is that they have become a dumping ground for all of their brother's, neighbor's, and brother's neighbor's gobbledeegook. They're jest a gurl (or boy) who cain't say "no."

So, if the disease is caused by "yes" and the cure may be found in "no," how do we teach our friends and loved ones to embrace the "no"? Here are some things that you can do to help.

1. Don't give them any more stuff. If you do, you are officially what 12-step programs refer to as an "enabler." If you must give them something, give them something perishable, like a box of Godiva chocolates. Or, if that is still too much for them to handle, give me a box of Godiva chocolates.
2. If they try to give their stuff to you, receive it with a smile and a "thank you" and then... promptly take it to Goodwill.
3. Unless, of course, you yourself are a packimus ratimus, in which case "Just Say No" to the substances that are being offered to you. If need be, you may call your sponsor for moral support.
4. Engage them in mediation, or what my hubby refers to as "positive manipulation." This is where you lovingly plant sneaky little seeds of "no" in their mind regarding their stuff or their potential stuff. For example, "Mom, having a giant Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pin hanging on your kitchen wall isn't quirky. It's tacky and weird."
5. Finally, if you are a packimus ratimi, let the cycle of addiction stop with you. Admit that you need help, and seek the assistance of a trained professional. Don't allow this disease to be passed along to the next generation.