Yet Another Reason That Barney Sucketh

Do you remember that song that Barney used to sing, "The Song That Never Ends?" No? Well, allow me to refresh your memory:

This is the song that never ends.
Yes, it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it forever just because this the song that never ends..."

Now before you get all hatin' on me for getting that catchy tune lodged in your cranium, I will tell you a story.

The other day, my hubby finally finished editing all the pics on our digital camera. I thought to myself, "What a relief! Now we can check this suckuh off of the "To Do" list and move on with our lives!"

But, when I went to cross it off, I realized that I couldn't actually check it off. I could only modify it to "Order the pictures."

And after we ordered the pictures, somebody had to pick them up, and then sort them chronologically, and put them in the scrapbook, but we ran out of glue, so I had to buy a glue stick, and then we ran out of room in the scrapbook, so I had to buy a new scrapbook and then...

Doesn't it ever seem like the more you do, the more you have to do?

I once read that the "To Do" list is a modern day rendition of the story of Sisyphus. To refresh your memory from your 7th grade studies of Greek mythology, Sisyphus was a king whose punishment was to roll a boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and be forced to repeat this task for eternity. Today, the word Sisyphean is used to describe doing something that is unending, repetitive, or unfulfilling.

And now for the question: What tasks in your life are unending, repetitive, unfulfilling, and just plain Sisyphean?

Now, before you get all Greek tragedy on me, here is a ray-of-light.

Unlike Sisyphus, you have a choice.

You don't have to roll that boulder up the hill if you don't want to. Is this a task that you actually have to do, like paying your power bill, or something that you feel you should do, like maintaining a scrap book? If it's not necessary, and it's not bringing you fulfillment, stop doing it!

Also, as with "The Song That Never Ends," there was a point where some people started singing it. So, before you roll that boulder, think about the consequences.

Do you really want to start singing that song?

The tardy of my party

I inherited many things from my parents: a Roman nose from my dad, a tendency toward risque commentary from my mom , and hobbit hair from both of them.

However, I also acquired their addiction to tardiness.

Tardiness an addiction? Heck, yeah! Anything that you do repeatedly for a high is a drug of choice, my fellow junkie.

No amount of tisking or scolding ("Being late is being selfish because you are essentially saying that your time is more important than everyone else's time!") could break me of my habit. And though my level of lateness might be viewed as much improved over my family as I tend to be only minutes as opposed to hours late for things, late is late no matter what the time frame.

So, one of my goals for 2008 was to be on time. And something that I have learned about goal setting is that there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Done right, goals can be a blessing, bringing focus and purpose to my days. But done wrong, it becomes a burden, bringing all of the guilt, self-condemnation, and frustration associated with the New England variety of the Roman Catholic faith.

So, how does one do it right? Along with your goals, you need to outline what-the-poo-you-are-going-to-do in order to achieve the goals. And as it turns out, everything you really needed to know you totally learned in, you guessed it, Kindergarten.

So, here are my Top 5 Tips For Getting Yourself Safely and Stylingly Out o' yo' Pad in the Wee Small Hours of the Morning. Here's a hint: It has everything to do with what you did the day before.

1. Set out your school clothes. Pre-assembling an outfit to wear to work in the PM = your socks will actually match in the AM. Yay-you can dress yourself!
2. Pack your play clothes. These are for a little game I like to call, "Using my fear of getting fat to motivate myself to move keester in such a way and at such a rate as to cause all of the water inside my body to relocate to the outside" aka exercising. Get your gym clothes together lest the coach make you borrow someone else's.
3. Make your lunch. To make a lunch requires food. This may necessitate going shopping for Lunchables and juice boxes, as well as procuring yourself a "My Little Pony" lunchbox to put it in. And if you don't have one, I'll let you borrow mine.
4. Prep your sippy cup. It could be coffee, a water bottle, or a dirty martini with dry vermouth and an olive. Just get your drinky poo ready, alright?
5. Set out your Flintstones Chewables. In other words, divvy out your mornin' meds. I have a jumbo-sized senior citizen drug dealer in which I put my daily supplements. 10 million strong and growing!

Now, to wrap it all up in a neat little bow, set all of the non-perishables and non-wearishables you need to accompany out of the house by the front door - your play clothes, purse/manbag, can of Tang, etc. That way as you run out the door to catch the big yellow school bus, you won't leave home without it.

Now have fun, learn lots, and play nice with the other kids.